Sunday, April 30, 2006

Information Vortex Goat

Somewhere between Kenya and Australia, possibly caused by a deep-sea mountain in the Indian ocean, there is a goat that lives in a Black Hole that sucks in information and prevents it from reaching these shores. I know this because there are cricket matches going on over there. For example, there is a six-a-side tournament going on in Nairobi right now. Teams have won matches. Some have lost matches. Possibly someone has covered themselves with glory and taken lots of wickets or scored lots of runs. An umpire has probably made a mistake or two, and several spectators have drunk too much Tusker and eaten too much pili pili mango. It is 2am in Nairobi, but they are still awake making sure the toilet seat is kept warm. There are at least sixteen teams taking part. lots of cricket is being played, and heaps of statistics are being created.
This tournament must be being followed by the press in Kenya. I know this because the Sports Editor of the Nation has assured me that they are quality journalists who care about Kenyan sport. Quality journalists would not let a 3-day festival of cricket comprising 16(+) of Kenya's top teams go un-reported. Would they? Surely not. So it stands to reason there have been articles written about it, and scores published. However, no matter how many variations I try on internet search engines, I only come up with one site that mentions the tournament - this one. My ego thinks this is a good thing; it likes being the top listed item on a google search. The rest of me is considerably less impressed. There are also sources in Nairobi in whose interest it is to keep me informed. That way, I promote the game, and other people get to follow what is happening as well. I have also heard nothing from them.
In Benoni, South Africa, another tournament has been going on. It is between Africa's second division Affiliate sides who are fighting it out for a place in the next round of qualifiers for the 2011 World Cup. It is an ICC organised event. It even has its own web page. Again though, results seem to be hard to find. Big Cricket, does have some, and a link to a Ghanaian site with a story, but again, one would expect the ICC to put out more information that at first seems to be available.
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In summary: the facts of the case are that there is cricket going on in Africa. There is information there about it (have you ever known an event organiser that doesn't want to publicise it?). It does not however reach Australia for me to pass on.
Rule 1 of being a detective: Remove all other possibilities and what you are left with, however unlikely, must be the truth (thanks Sherlocke Holmes). Therefore, I conclude that there must be some sort of Bermuda Triangle type of phenomenomenomenum between here and there. Possibly operated by an evil grey-haired mastermind stroking some sort of aquatic white cat. It is probably riding a goat which is eating the information - they are the only creature that eat anything. Right now it is garnishing the results from Pool-A with a side serving of Mungai's underpants stolen from the washing line.
So, my conclusion: There is a Triangular Vortex Aquatic Goat being ridden by Dr Evil swimming about in the Indian Ocean consuming information meant for this website. It must be. Logic says so. QED. Put-that-in-your-pipe-and-smoke-it-Mr-Officer-does-your-head-go-all-the-way-up-inside-your-hat!?! My mission is to destroy this agent of satan. I will prevail, and we shall celebrate with nyama choma and tusker baridi. Hold the pili pili mango.

5 comments:

Andrew said...

If I remember correctly, results from Division Three of the Americas Championship took approximately 1 week to make it from Suriname to the ICCs website, so this vortex is obviously travelling.

With that tournament, and the current African affiliates tournament, it is amazing that the ICC aren't covering them more, they are after all World Cup qualifying tournaments!

Chemosit said...

Maybe the person riding the goat is one M.Engel. He is definitely using his powers for evil rather than good...
On a serious note though - I think it is something the ICC should look at improving!

AfroM said...

Lol! this was too funny :) Cant go wrong with sherlock holmes inspired investigation...its just a matter of time. Enyewe they must be really drinking lots of tusker and forgot to file their stories!
I suggest you deploy a nairobi based spy ...

Nakeel said...

Hey Nick am here to tell you what the NPCA did not communicate and are we angles to know wherethe action is happening..
Wacha even us we operate from invitations for they showed they never wanted us to cover I guess there was Basketball where they can "waste their time to send press release" but NPCA couldnt..
It was as simple as that I know Jaffreys won.

Chemosit said...

Hey Afrom...looks like Nakeel is answering your call.
As for Nakeel - you are a deadset angel. Thank you.
Why the administrators do not publicise things more is a mystery.